Shedding Secrets

Swan Song

2012-02-07T15:19:00.003Z

Before I write what I came here to write, right now I feel I should explain that my template design has changed..again...the screen width has been bugging for me weeks. I didn't know you could adjust it..and now I do..and I have..and I feel better. And red is good for me right now.

We have a swan..quite possibly one of the Queens own swans, I dont know if that's just a myth, but anyhow...this swan has been making me sad for most of 2012.

By night he floats on one of the local lakes..and by day he stands in a field. A cabbage field. on his own. for hours and hours. RSPB, RSPCA, NSPCC, BHS have all been called and have been out to visit him...not BHS , of course..but the others say he is fine. He just goes out and does what he has to do and then he retreats, away from all other swans and does his own damn thing. a bit like me. I suspect he doesn't even know he compartmentalises his life, but whatever fluffs your feathers.

Work/Home/Party/Dream/Work...and so it goes.

Currently dreaming about owning a farm in Wales. complete with three dogs, several cats, one goat, one donkey and a land rover

PS Happy Birthday Charles..for some small part you have to claim credit for saving me

Time for a Party

2011-12-19T13:21:00.003Z

In this wonderful yet strange world where we have (invisible) friends who make us think, laugh, smile, cry.. with their words and music. I decided to ask Frank around to sing for us. The bar is stocked. Fully stocked. I didn't bother with finger foods..I find it easy to dance with a single malt in my hand but , quite frankly, my pineapple always falls off the stick if I try the same with food.

So...after reading your words of loveliness this year I seem to have a good idea of where we are going with the drinks list.

Davy H...from over here..Davy likes a drop of Gin...or the occasional beer...or wine. I believe he likes a nice merlot. The darling Ally from here, She wont say no to a Jim Beam or two. Dickie from a place I know like the back of my own hand Guiness?..I have Guiness...Beer?...Tetleys?. I'll get them from the cellar, shall I?
Adam and Kipps....from here and there...wine and beer...let me know if I'm wrong. Martin, can't honestly say I'd guess right with his tipple but,in my head, theres a Stephen Fry connection and I'm absolutely certain he drinks Red. Martin..not Stephen..lives ..here sometimes Rol, I think maybe tee-total..so I bought a couple of bottles of Schloer (all the best parties in the 80's had bin liners and Schloer..another blog post, I think) and Rol spends a bit of time around the sunset spot.
Names pulled out of the hat for duties...Davy gets the DJ gig and Dickie is our Honorary Head of Entertainment..and It'd just be bloomin' lovely if anyone else drops by.

Let's have a ball...Merry Christmas to you all xx

Man Up

2011-12-16T14:19:00.003Z

Aren't kids great?

My boy is...er..leaving the boy bit behind and applying for Unis next year and I know the next ten months will fly by so I'm going to cherish every last minute. A moment to cherish yesterday.

We were on a family outing to the dentist, as you do, and he went in first.
Ten minutes later, he appeared with a nice shiny grin and said he'd had a filling.
A filling, I said...you didn't come out to wait for your face to go numb???
Nope, he says..I told him to just get on with it..I told the dentist I'd "man up"

My jaw dropped..which was convenient...cos I was next in the chair.

So I stroll in, with a bemused expression on my face and the dentist gave me the update.

" He's had a filling"

Hmmmm...so the conversation went something like this did it, Mr Dentist?
"Just do the filling without the injection, I'll man up"

Dentists probably do laugh.but I've never seen it before..in fact he was doubled up with laughter..a real loud belly laugh...and the nurse was giggling too.

Apparently it went more like....." You need a filling but its only a tiny one..I'm not going to bother with the jab, but I'll stop if it hurts !"

Boys ! Bless !

Mojo...Where Hast Thou Been?

2011-12-01T09:33:00.003Z

If I just sneak in ..quietly..and sit and type and then post..chances are no one (else) will remind me of my foolhardy nonsense about a blogfest in which I would post tons and tons of stuff until I could post no more and I'd be here and things would be lovely.

Anyhow..eventually when scales tip so far one way and you're walking permanently lop-sided because balance of any kind is a thing of the past..well..eventually things start to sway the other way. It's the way of the world.

I feel as though I'm breathing again.
It's been a hell of a year..
and although I knew myself that the wave was about to break, it took a real tragedy to make my eyes open to the fact that the change, the decisions had to come from me..
and cometh they did. I've had close friends and family die. sometimes they were older and therefore in the natural order of things, although it's never ever been easy, we grieve and move slowly on with time. sometimes, it's been heartbreakingly unfair and the loss has been unbearable, and time only creeps by and the anger never really subsides. and then sometimes...the someone decides to take their own life and the emotions are just a whole different ball game. different feelings, different questions,different funeral, different moving on. Almost unexplainable, the shock, the disbelief, the anger, the grief for the family left behind, the mystery, so so many questions and then, because this was seen to be a choice, I personally doubt there was a choice, there is acceptance.

I always want to have a choice
Mathematically and historically, I can tell you I will mess up at least 75% of the time. Thats ok

So here I am, a new era at work and home and in life

I feel as though..I'm returning to me
All it took was a small mousey darling (because I can't have a dog..and I need something), a teeny tiny rebellion and few months of thinking hard.
Not a lot in the grand scheme of things.

On the day..THE day..this played and started the smile and it's still there.

nice to be here..

A Distant Memory..

2011-09-06T11:06:00.002+01:00

The fading tan lines along with my overdraft are a reminder.. fortunately...of the wonderful holiday spent in France this year.
Great food, fantastic wine, sunshine and work free.

When I win the lottery, I will blog from here......regularly. Not like what I do now.

I canoed for nine long miles down the river in 36 degree heat. I then woke up next morning and thought someone had tied my arms to the bed with chains. (another time..another blog post ;0)

In the meantime..I am away to write my follow on blog post, the one I've been writing for two months. It's going to be binge posting, I tell you . Nothing for weeks..and then overload.

Enough about me.
How are you all?

Sharing....

2011-07-22T14:30:00.003+01:00

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle....and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness also never decreases by being shared.....

When the five o clock buzzer sounds, the silent one, I'm away out of here. Already a tiny hint of giddiness is seeping in...concentration is lapsing a little..I'm thinking about that chilled glass of wine..if I could find me a party..I have just the perfect dress..as it goes...it will be home..slobbing gear and a good film.

Happy Weekend Lovelies !
x

Snippets....and thats all

2011-07-07T14:16:00.003+01:00

I'd guess it might be a temporary situation..but I seem to have reached a ..level.
Politics at the office would have DC and his pals running for cover but my new role means I have a central part to play and if I rose...and descended to every plane of pettiness and backbitery..I'd never get anything done. It all came to a high last week on a remote site in Scotland where I was ambushed and abused. It won't happen again. So I have my level..and it's just ever so slightly above the waves of trouble. Lapping at my feet, yes it is.. but I figure if I can always keep above my ankles dry..I can survive this.

Big girl has moved into new student digs. She and I have differing views on "fit to live in". Her enthusiasm was catching and after scrubbing and spraying and removing all the spiders for her...I left her with her a big "well done" smile and sobbed most of the way home. Tough, this parenting thing.

I miss my Nan

I'm listening lots of Jenny Lewis and when that's done..I'm spending time with Dean and Frank....and Mildred Pierce.

Book List

2011-06-24T09:53:00.004+01:00

My daughter and I saw this book mark in a bookshop and she insisted on standing and reading out every name on there to see if I had read it. A huge percentage of the list are predictable classics, the one's we all know, and I have probably read a good 80%. I was fortunate enough to be force fed this type of literature and developed a love for it at an early age.
However.......

Bejeezus, I've read piles of dross in the last three weeks.
At least seven different books, hefty ones...no pictures..and I have devoured them like a starving jack russell with a dead rat.

It has to be some kind of kneejerk reflex to the piles of contractual and technical stuff I have to read at work. Pure escapism. Three Historical novels, most from around the regency period..a couple of Greek myth type books...a couple of romance novels. I've become a sucker for a happy ending.(I can't believe I'm admitting that)..I think I'm about done.

So back to the book mark list..A Clockwork Orange?...worth reading?

I Will

2011-06-23T14:58:00.002+01:00

I had a dream about this song and then had to google it and found four fabulous versions of it.

Sorry?..oh yes..Hello...again.

Still here. yes I am and I'd quite like to be back here more often
so I shall try...I really will

Guernica

2011-05-19T09:38:00.003+01:00

I think just the one book has captured me this year so far.
Bought with less thought than I usually give to my reading, I picked up Guernica by Dave Boling on a hurried trip to the supermarket before leaving for the beach at Easter weekend. I suspected I wouldn't even get time to read the cover with crabbing, walking, sleeping and french cricket all high on the priority list.
It was nothing short of an idyllic weekend. Early morning sunshine streamed through the windows of the tiny fishermans cottage looking out over the North Sea, heads were bumped on the ceiling (not mine obviously, logs were crackling late into the chilly evenings and I read.

Guernica was as much of a lovely surprise as the cottage and its wonderful neighbours
I escaped to a window seat and this lovely heartbreaking book drew me in.
Picasso makes a cameo appearance in the book and whilst his painting depicts the horrific destruction to the face of Guernica, Boling's book shows you the horrors inflicted upon its heart.
His characters were real within one chapter, the rich history of Guernica and the pride of the Basque people shone, and I fell hook line and sinker in love with it all.
After having a cream tea for breakfast on my birthday, April 25th. I escaped to a warm and cosy corner and moved into the closing chapters of the book and read about the bombing of Guernica which happened on April 26, 1937 almost 74 years ago to the day.It was an aerial attack on the Basque town of Guernica, by the German Luftwaffe.
Anyone as old as I am can probably name quite a few cowardly terrorist attacks over the years and not just the New York horrors, but the Northern Ireland troubles, Bali, and, of course, London. In 1937 I suspect they knew far less until that fateful day.

Beautifully written. Worth reading.
Incredible story.

Numb From The Ankles Up

2011-04-13T10:30:00.005+01:00

I'm aware that the the precious time I get to write here I waste on rambling about catcing up and what I have done..or haven't done. well, here goes. I got drunk on Friday. A real rarity, but something to do with forgetting to eat and gulping martinis like a bloody fish. Nice combination for a cheap night out! My balls were on fire. Seriously. I love heels, but in the first few minutes of wearing my new black shiny ones...they make my ankles feel like they're breaking. It's an unnatural position, but at least I now know how Barbie feels, with her permanently pointy toes. Do Martinis make your feet numb? No they do not. I did this in the name of research so you all don't have to.

ok ramble over

I'm not drawing.
Not at all
Music is loud and brash and blowing what's left of my eardrums to bits
I'm not reading much either.
I'm actively avoiding thoughts.
Running and hiding and relishing numbness.

and it'll all catch up with me, I tell you.

Because.. I didn't see her every day and I would joke with her that she sent a spell into my dreams. Every four or five weeks, I would dream that she was gone and I would wake up in tears and make plans to go see her. And when that happens next time. I'm stuffed.

Sprung at last

2011-03-24T13:08:00.003Z

I love Spring
It feels like hope
And my birthday is in the Spring
And my pussy willow tree, which I've had to look at as an ugly stick with twiggy dreadlocks for the past three or four months now has little catkins on and has immediately transformed into a picture of prettiness.
And I can smell freshly cut grass.
And Easter is in the Spring, so two things...holidays and chocolate
And strappy sandals..god..how could I forget that. Goodbye boots, hello tootsies.
ok that's enough..all this giddiness is going to my head...

Writing Into Thin Air

2011-03-21T13:15:00.003Z

I haven't been around since 4th March. Well, of course I have and even around here but not in any real "putitdownonpaper" sense.

Nothing has been put down on paper
not a word...not a sketch..not a paint brush.
I have written at least a dozen blog posts in my head though.

You have to ask sometimes..if something bigger than you out there is possibly putting you through some invisible kind of test. Let's see how many hours she can work if she really has to..let's see if she can handle just a little bit extra confrontation..let's see if she can handle hatred...let's see if she feels in control of this situation..let's see how far we can push.
and then finally..let's see how she copes when she loses her last link to her family.

My Nan passed away last Thursday.

We had an odd bond.
She tried to give me away three months after I was born, whilst my Mum was working.
I can laugh about it now, but I think I spent a lot of my life trying to prove to her that keeping me was her best decision.

At the end..our slates were clean. After a long day at the hospital and a long evening at work catching up on a missed day...I drove back to the hospital and sat with her. I left her at midnight and I knew it would be the last time and I'm ok. Surprisingly I'm ok. It doesn't feel like any bond has been broken..it feels like nothing has changed...I just won't be seeing her again.

Whilst I'd quite liked to have disappeared under a duvet for a day or two..work has again taken over, but just because I need to stop thinking for a couple of hours..everything will be dropped tonight for my naked art class (see what I did there? )

and about that Ipod random shuffle thing...on Thursday pm...Ol' Frank belted out about doing it My Way...and it has to be said...My Nan danced to the same tune.

The Hangman Tree

2011-03-04T14:43:00.003Z

Just when you need something new and exciting, up pops something new and exciting which whooshes you right back to a time when everything felt new and excitement was a lot easier to come by.

Laura J Martin's the Hangman Tree is bloomin' delightful.

Beautiful voice and the video, I love.
Reminds me of our family holidays on the east coast, spending hours jumping in and out of the waves in temperatures a polar bear would struggle with.
I love that I can remember laughing so much it hurt, but that I've forgotten how freezing cold the North Sea really was.

and its Friday.
and I've missed you all

I might have a wee dram tonight.

enjoy your weekend!
x

Linkage is not working right now, but I will add LauraJMartin links here later.

Touchpaper

2011-02-24T10:15:00.003Z

Gosh..who knew all out war could be so time consuming.

I swear I had to speak to the IT dept this morning to increase my inbox size limit. Each morning I come in, heart pounding, waiting for the next onslaught..and there pops up the message saying that my inbox is full.
They handed me the bluetouch paper...and forgot to tell me that they had already lit the fireworks. There I stood. Smiling. waiting for a pat on the back and what I got, at very close range, was "BOOM"

My life has gone to pot. Pot, I tell you.
I haven't been to my art group in three weeks.
I haven't seen any of my friends
I haven't thought about much at all... other than work...and running away to an Hebridean Island.
I can't concentrate enough to read a book
I can't tweet..because 140 characters takes time

oh dear ..I'm whining.

Music..again...has saved me.

my favourites list shows me that I have retreated back to some older friends..who helped me through at some other point of rubbishness.

Anthony and the Johnsons
Bettye Swann
Marvin Gaye
James Carr
Adele ( New, but quite a voice)
The Supremes

I thank them all dearly.

I have the afternoon tomorrow to go to a funeral. 92 year old wonderful, colourful, special, funny, characterful, wonderful lady. you know the kind...the world's a little bit duller without her. x

Late Post

2011-02-14T09:23:00.002Z

I left before the postman arrived.

He's probably coming later with a van..a big one

Pfft..I don't really celebrate Valentines Day

oh how glad I am that I'm not in high school today..all the above rolled out in one year or another. Nobody really cares here..and I really did leave before the postman, honest.

It Started With A Kick

2011-02-03T09:21:00.003Z

It all started with Richard Keys and the Gray guy, I swear it did.
I sat here with a rye smile thinking and typing about some of the sexist comments I have had to deal with in my 11 years in the construction industry. I realised I couldnt actually give many examples because, on the old search engine front, my type of visitor might change entirely.
I started to type a post about not underestimating the female gender, especially those who choose to work in a male dominated industry, we tend, not all of us, but most of us, know what we are doing and are able to handle it. Bemused belittling expression and a quick humiliating bite-back usually does the trick. I have never complained to authority about the goings on and I personally think, standing up for myself has served me well. A respect of sorts exists now, of course I still know those old culprits, and the respect with those doesn't quite extend both ways.
So thats how it started.
and then I decided to stick my head above the parapet and to test the company ask for their plans for me. Future plans.
Never has this 60 year old company had a female manager of any kind.
I needed to know they didnt see me that way or have any big plans for me, so that I could move on.

and so I was wrong
again

My new post started yesterday
First female management member.

There havent been many congratulations..lots of cries of "why not me"?
and my biggest nemesis...a woman
how very disappointing

time to step up, I believe

Other news - I am not to be a World Book Giver, my life drawing class is still the best thing ever, Black Swan was deeply disturbing but brilliant, nuthin' but soul from my ipod (its a necessity), reading Unthology book of short stories (recommended and some of it written by Martin, thank you) which is wonderful.

Seasons and Cycles

2011-01-24T13:38:00.004Z

Since watching the film Bright Star and visiting Rome last summer, I've been having an on off thing with John Keats..more off than on to be truthful.
Almost definitely a day for our thing to be on though. And a good day for this.

Four seasons fill the measure of the year;
There are four seasons in the mind of Man:
He has his lusty Spring, when fancy clear
Takes in all beauty with an easy span:
He has his Summer, when luxuriously
Spring's honeyed cud of youthful thought he loves
To ruminate, and by such dreaming high
Is nearest unto heaven: quiet coves
His soul has in its Autumn, when his wings
He furleth close; contented so to look
On mists in idleness -to let fair things
Pass by unheeded as a threshold brook: -
He has his Winter too of pale misfeature,
Or else he would forgo his mortal nature.

John Keats 1795-1821

Lets say though that his seasons don't just come around once, John.
Lets assume that a man or woman can have more than one spring
Lets just suppose that he can fit Autumn into his life..several times
and lets not presume Winter will come at the close

Silent Group

2011-01-18T11:11:00.003Z

It was art group night last night. Nerves again before I arrived, but I seem to settle more quickly than last week. I'm not really sure talking to others is allowed..or maybe i'm just not in the gang yet, but the silence is right somehow.
I felt much more comfortable with my own work last night, relaxed made the sketches flow better too..I even moved onto charcoals. Didnt realise it would be so dirty..so sat in the break like a fidget with an OCD. I didn't freak when the man next to me asked me to show him my stuff. well, freaked a little..but not outwardly.
I asked myself a key question as I drove home. "what did you think about in that two hours"
Nothing. Couldn't remember a single thing. It's a no thinking art group. It seems.
I do remember one thing. A woman sat on the floor near me and sketched, huge sketches..reasonably good, very technical. For our last session she produced watercolour paints and used a technique called "wet on wet" It's so incredibly subtle, its almost dreamlike. She sat and painted the nude woman stretched out in front of us in blues and pale pinks only...and her work just completely blew me away. If I had more than todays lunch money in my pocket..I'd have made her an offer.

In other news from the Frontish Line...Big Girl is in excruciating pain without her tonsils. She keeps asking me to look..I can be quite honest here and say..although I have a strong stomach..it makes me feel slightly queasy to see the gaping wounds at the back of her mouth. Poor Love x

I think a shopping trip might help. Obviously.

Answers

2011-01-17T13:40:00.003Z

I knew that if I sat awhile and waited
the answer would appear today
not charging like a bull at a red rag
rather more like a little mouse tentatively
picking his way through a maze of traps.

Because..........

2011-01-14T15:32:00.004Z

Because I am working at home, half laptop bound...half nursemaid, looking after tonsil-less big girl and she raves to me about them and you can find them here

and because..I heard this on the way to the hospital this morning to pick up my patient and it reminded me greatly that it's a song I'll never forget the words to and that it was probably responsible for the beginning of this blog, thanks to an imaginary friend who is and always has been very good at this blogging business.

and because its Friday........

Have a great weekend xx

Wednesday Steal

2011-01-12T10:15:00.003Z

Stolen from somewhere..borrowed actually...sounds nicer doesn't it?

I believe it was Ernest Hemingway's idea anyway, that he was challenged to write a complete story in six words. I've been giving it some thought and it is harder than you may think, especially for it to be truly complete and compelling.

Hemingway's answer was pretty morbid, but powerful nevertheless - “Baby Shoes For Sale, Never Worn.”

It's quite difficult to do without it sounding morbid or depressing, in truth, so i've been trying to think happy thoughts.

"Grabbed bank money, live in luxury"

"Lonely Spinster meets man of dreams"

Your turn; can you write a fully realized story in just six
words.

I Feel Brave

2011-01-11T10:06:00.002Z

I felt brave. and I was the one with my clothes on.
In a way, I feel as though I have set the year off in the right way. Pushing myself to discover, letting those contrasting feelings of self doubt and confidence intermingle as they will. It's a challenge and my very first attempt at figure drawing, but, not being too hard on myself, I'm fairly happy with the results.

Lights Out

2011-01-06T22:44:00.004Z

Gosh..I'm knackered. In a zombie, brain turned off, body aching, soul crushed kind of way. Three days back at work after a two week break..and this..this is what you get.

Dark when I reach the office..dark when I leave..high heels are hurting because I've worn the necessary christmas slippers for a week or more. My feet, brain and I are out of sync. I'm only here this late...yes this feels really late..because I needed to sync my ipod. If only I could plug me in and sync me up some va va voom.

This is on my ipod..nice slow pace drummed out in the background (perfect for "don't rush me please")..smooth voice...(sweetly washing over me)..and building superbly (and I will..give me a week or two) Medicine for the soul.

Goodnight Lovelies x

Lights Out - Zerben R Hicks

What I Did Last Week...

2011-01-04T19:16:00.003Z

The ice floating by made the most wonderful shuuuusssshing sound.

The house sat looking over the River. This little summer house might make a wonderful reading spot...y'know ...in temperatures above -7c

Thats my chair..nearest the oven :) I'm coming back as a cat.

Thankfully...these no longer work. I'm not sure teenagers would ever get bored of ringing the bells

I have a thing for bridges.

Takes One To Know One

2011-01-04T09:28:00.003Z

I can remember the exact day that I was recognised.

I took a mind numbingly boring part time job when my youngest began school full time. The boss was a female hitler type who had "knowledge is power" tattooed somewhere about her person. Somewhere painful, I hoped. When the next new girl started, she and I were put into the same team..and became friends slowly over the weeks. I found I had to share my short rushed lunchtimes with her because she didnt like to use the canteen either. I had spotted a few things about her. At that time, though, the secret was all mine. I hadn't spoken with anyone about my ten years of eating problems.
I guess she was more open because she was recovering..and I hadn't even reached my lowest, back then on that day I thought I was still in control.
She came right out one lunchtime and asked me. I'd lived with people the whole of my life and no one had ever asked or suspected and she came right out and knocked me sideways. I didn't lie. Which looking back might have been a bigger step than I gave it credit for. She had seen the same kind of habits in me that I had been noticing slowly in her. She was the one who told me it takes one to know one. We both agreed it wasn't a great club to be in.

I met another this week. In the middle of a crowded party, we had a few moments of forced chattery, I noticed her pale translucent skin, and that food anxiousness that never really leaves, most of all the incredible sadness. It never feels so far away that I can't recall those desperate feelings. But it is just recall.
Christmas is over...I've eaten well and drunk a little bit of what I fancied..and it's all good.

Kurt Vile - Breathin' Out

First...

2011-01-02T11:12:00.002Z

Back souther to the north once again. The white stuff disappeared, gone completely..in an almost similar way to the house looking empty now that the christmas decorations are relegated to the attic..the streets look grey and a little bit dismal..I miss my view of the River Tweed and the snow topped hills of Scotland (pictures will be here soon) but this week is now about prep. Mental preparation for the year which, of course, involves dusting, washing, ironing and stuff I usually cram into weekends...i'll tell you all about my top tip for that later...

It was an incredible Christmas. The house was beyond what I hoped it would be. The family were fabulous. I'm still very very thrilled and grateful that the teenagers love coming away at Christmas and enjoy it so immensely. This house might be their favourite, although the boy did admit to being a little spooked at the size and age of it. (Our original cottage by the stable never did thaw out) Hidden doorways..secret rooms..victorian loos...it was by far the most ideal house for treasure hunts..ever! Long walks and a town with an award winning bookshop within two miles. I could have written this story.

I have lots of photos of icicles and oddities, which I will share when I move out of "lazy" mode. For now, I have to tell you...80's music is by far the best cleaning aid I have found..radio station absolute 80's spurred me through the grimy bits yesterday in a flash ...so I could return to my comfy corner surrounded by my three new books, my lovely new art set and my nintendo DS with Professor Layton's puzzles.
If i didnt need to eat..I could probably be parked until next moday.

This.I heard from the kitchen. Instantly recognisable. Alison Moyet's voice still brings me to a halt and a smile.

Happy Christmas

2010-12-22T12:25:00.003Z

Right thats me done.

laptop off...to do list for 5th Jan written..fairy lights back in their box..and the last quality street given to the lovely postman. my desk is tidy-ish and the office is now closed.

I heard this on the way to work this morning and ..oh well..I think its lovely.
and I also, like Lucy..have never driven through Paris in a sports car..but I've done good stuff.

So Christmas it really is now..and I'm sat here wishing the very best of everything for you all..When I have my first large gin in front of the fire this weekend I will raise it to you all and wish you a Happy Christmas x

Books..

2010-12-20T12:48:00.004Z

I'm so excited

long story..so i'll cut it short..because the quality streets are disappearing fast.

Due to lack of space and groaning shelves, I cleared my books out six weeks ago and stashed them in my car for the charity shop. And thats where they stayed.

Until..and this really is what happened..no poetic license here.

I met a little boy. He's had a tough couple of years. More than tough actually. His mum passed away in 2009 and although he moved in with his dad and he and his daddy grew close, his dad was sent to prison for a year and a half. Another move for him to live with grandma and he's a surprisingly happy and lovely child, he's nine years old. When I met him, it was for me to "try" fix his computer which had a lovely blue screen on it. When Louis and I were chatting, it turns out he just loves books. Loves them .. and there was me with a car boot full of teenage boy spy thrillers and young james bond books. I handed over fifteen books to a very happy boy.

and then..

I visited my elderly uncle who lives with my nan. "got anything for me Chick?"
Nope says I..and then I remembered the books. A Philip Roth and a Lee Childe novel later and he was almost as thrilled as I was.

I'm not sure anything has made me happier this year than that weekend..and so this is perfect.
World Book Night Book Giver

I have applied to be a book giver. A million books to be given away on 5th March 2011 Choose a book and the publishers will send forty eight to be distributed by book givers. Genius idea.

I'm completely smiley today !

Bombay Gin

2010-12-17T16:20:00.001Z

<a href=http://www.grapheine.com/blog/en title=illustration livre enfant>entreprise graphisme</a>

Have a wonderful friday evening, Dearies x

Twist Your Words

2010-12-16T15:42:00.001Z

you can do this here

Lists

2010-12-16T08:35:00.004Z

As I sat in a meeting with a Client yesterday, with a list of "stuff to do" and a list of "stuff to discuss", I couldn't help but notice his striking resemblance to Father Christmas. I swear he was even wearing a Christmas jumper, you know the one...green with big red stars across his..er..proportions. White beard and two of the rosiest cheeks I've seen since the children were getting their new teeth. How about that as a ploy for putting someone on the back foot...get Santa to chair your meetings !
When he mentioned that he will be working all Christmas...my imagination ran wild...apparently his email account is manned 24 hours a day...( yes, thought I...by elves, no doubt) He did get me to thinking about my other list...the important one. I didnt want to hand it to him at the meeting, because obviously he was undercover...but

Dear Santa,

Good to see you yesterday...you look..er..well, healthy-ish and not quite as jolly as I would have expected, but we all have a lot to do before the big day..so truly..I forgive you.

My list is a short one this year...

please please could I find this in my stocking this year

I read it last as a dark and troubled teenager, and the rich gothic language thrilled me. It's way past time I gave it a second reading and I'm planning on lots of quiet time, tucked away in my little cottage.

For when I'm done with the reading..I need new wellies and welly socks. Size 6. You choose the colour. But think green.

Thank you
M
x

ps If you could help with the snow as we drive northerly, there's an extra mince pie in it for you.

pps Be good to my friends and family this year. Make it a happy, peaceful and wonderful Christmas for them all. x

Thanks Again x

Sisters

2010-12-15T12:11:00.002Z

I started writing a post about Scotland because I’m excited to go spend Christmas there and the lady who owns the cottage rang last night and if I had to dream up this lovely Scottish landlady, she couldn’t have been more perfect.

But this post is about my sister

Four years younger and a whole wide world of difference between us

She was a vile child, I have scars..real ones..from her bite marks and scratch marks, although the bruises faded eventually.

Only this year..in 2010..the year which I had stupidly and presumptiously named “my year”..have I realised what she is now, as an adult.
After a year of rollercoaster turbulence, after a year which really wasn’t mine to name after all, after a year with illness and tears and, I have to admit, more self pity than I would have thought I’d be capable of…I’m yet again emerging as the lucky one.
She’s currently on NHS standby , at any point before Christmas Eve this year, she will have her 60th major operation, her second this year. Since March, she has been housebound and in an almost unbelievable state of discomfort. I’m in awe of how she has even managed to get through the last eight months. No matter how crappy my year looked, I have spent time with my sister this year and I know I have no right to complain about anything.

Update – before Christmas eve in NHS speak means 30th Deecember..we didn’t realise they meant next years Christmas eve.

and because when I think of music and my sister...I can only think of this...

Bless her !

Sunshine

2010-12-10T12:43:00.001Z

I need a little bit of sunshine in my life..and this will have to do for now

Happy Friday everyone !

Santa's Confusion

2010-12-07T11:35:00.003Z

Heard this today on the freezing journey to work.. Local DJ Alex Duffy has remade the Killers "Are you human" , I'll add the lyrics when I can find them.

Well it made me smile..a bit !

When I Were A Lass.....

2010-11-22T13:31:00.006Z

I love these from Andrew Davies smashing book of snapshots from a time that Health and Safety forgot...

"Me Dad brought home an "Abysinnian Terrier" for our Sis. She were well chuffed"

"....til everyone at school told her it were a fox"

"If you supported a big team like Barnsley, it only cost two shillings and sixpence for the official team kit. ...or your Nan could knit it for you. Try getting your Nan to knit the Manchester United away kit these days...it'd give her arthritis "

" In our day footie boots were made for clogging...not dribbling. The aim was to give the ball a right good clog. And the golden rule was the shortest lad had to be goalkeeper"

You can buy it here

Different...but worth seeing

2010-11-21T15:08:00.001Z

Strudel, Keats and Sunday Tears

2010-11-21T14:24:00.004Z

If this blog post degenerates into a wallowing self pitying ramble, I apologise. I guess the fact that I may have given you the warning sort of lets you know where this is heading...like the Government warning on cigarette packets. Only maybe not as unnecessary. I do try not to ramble emotionally at you on a regular basis.

Who knew a bad DJ could cause this much turmoil? True, there is Chris Moyles, but apart from him, who knew?

Every family party I ever remember had a bad DJ. Bad predictable floor fillers aplenty. Feeling uncomfortable, craving invisibility

I'm just not the girl to be first on the dance floor. I don't know how to do the Macarena, or any other Spanish summer choreographed hit. Every family party became a reminder that I'm not ... I'm just not.

The party last night was cast from the same mould..and older, together, more confident me...was reminded..that I'm still just not.I'm too old for teen angst, aren't I?

And I sit asking myself and nursing my drink..why does it matter? it's not about the bad music choices..its about being different.

Do I want to be like them?. No
Not really
But it's not the real point
I was never
what they wanted
Different is good, yes. Vive la difference !
but, bloody hell..it's so hard somedays.

so I baked appel strudel..read Keats..and watched an old movie..and cried.
what else is a girl to do?
and the strudel was eaten too quickly and I burned my mouth.
Some days should be spent in bed.

Layering

2010-10-27T10:19:00.005+01:00

For all my bravado and portrayed attitude, it would seem I'm still just a girl.
Probably the very same one that I used to be, funnily enough. A little more cynical and not quite the eternal optimist I once was, but with all the usual misgivings and self doubt.

I wonder if we ever really change.
The layers pile over each other, year on year, some good, some bad (the years and the layers) and "stuff" is buried, misplaced or forgotten. I may have thought stupidly that because I reached forty, I would just be me forever, that the layering would slow, that I might reach a point of equilibrium.
I know that Life isnt that simple...but I have had a period of time where I have believed if I said it was that simple, then it really would be.
This post was never going to be about this, because Life is so busy I can't think straight, and the post was only ever about a quick catch up...it was a "hey listen to this" post..or an "I love this..and I want you to hear it" post.
Life is busy..and I don't know if this will make any sense to any one but me...but internally..it's quiet. Very very quiet. Not brooding..not sulking..not confused..a little bit lost, but thats not new..it's just quiet.

..and having said that...hey listen to this..I love this and I want you to hear it.

Lianne Hall My Space
Abandon Ship - Lianne Hall

Happy Hour

2010-10-22T14:50:00.002+01:00

Ooooh it's Friday, people.

I'm going to walk around the lake with bread. Buy decadent foods for dinner from the shops. By 7.30pm I will be cradling a gin and tonic.

Tonight..it's all about me

Ladies and Gentlemen...its Happy Hour again !

Have a wonderful weekend all x

Watch The Sunrise

2010-10-21T10:11:00.002+01:00

The work life balance being out of balance means that i'm neglecting you.
I'm also neglecting my laundry, my sleep, my social life (ha) and myself.
I rose before the sun yesterday...in the frozen darkness I drove north(er)and about an hour later the sun appeared slowly behind me.The temperatures dropped from zero to minus three and then back up to zero as the day dawned into a bright one, and still I drove. In Glasgow I had a two hour meeting and then I drove back..and as I sped across the A66, the scenic route, the temperature and the sun dropped once again.
I was asleep by 8.30pm (at home...not in the car)

Something's gonna give.

I bought a CD in a petrol station..I really needed to hear something new. Ten hours driving means my CD selection had been well and truly done. It was a bargain basement disc with this on. I love the Kate Rusby version and didn't even know that Ol' Dean had done it too.

Did I ever tell you I saw him getting off the QE2 in Southampton?
He was very tall....and handsome.

Angel Wings

2010-10-12T11:10:00.002+01:00

Absolutely not what I should have been taking pictures of that day, but I wondered where I had "misplaced" my wings. The rust tells you just how long it might have been.

Inspired Friday Funk

2010-10-08T08:46:00.002+01:00

Happy Friday everyone.

PS It was National Poetry Day yesterday..which inspired me to read some loveliness, to be shared next week

Have a fabulous weekend !

Sorry

2010-10-04T15:30:00.001+01:00

That's my " mother of the year" award gone out of the flamin' window. No doubt Mylene Klass or Kate Winslet will claim it as their own. Again

My boy does dangerous stuff at the weekends. Involving speed and mud.
After three hours of racing in torrential rain, unprecedented mud pools and against a number of fully grown blokes he stormed to an amazing win. His trophy was fabulous. It was really up there with the jules rimet thing and the Oscar wotsit. I say "was" because I dropped it and smashed it into nine pieces. I know there are nine because I'm here trying to superglue the whole thing back together.

And that's not really the worst of it.

I wash his helmet Inners by hand.. The pads inside smell like three day old socks usually.
It was only when he took off his helmet yesterday, after the race, that we saw the incredibly red and sore burns to his face and neck. A little too much washing liquid I think. He has exact shapes burned into his cheeks where the pads sit. Just one of those things I guess and he's taken it very well but I'm so upset, it's a little like the guilt I felt when he got nappy rash....except it's at the other end.

I've said this a thousand times since yesterday ... But i really am so very sorry.

Listening to Brenda Lee - I'm sorry
Barbara Streisand - guilty
Any more I should be torturing myself with ?

The Five People You Meet In Heaven

2010-09-29T08:45:00.003+01:00

I was away at the weekend, in Hampshire. Doing the whole support stuff for the Boy.
After the first very cold night, the days became bearable..sunnyish..coolish...with a breezyish spell. They were ish days.

I picked up "The Five people You Meet In Heaven" by Mitch Albom in the local supermarket, after realising I would be outdoors for at least six hours on each of the days and a book would be a good idea.

I didn't know at the time but this has already been made into a film..in 2004 with Jon Voight, but I rarely prefer the film to the book anyhow.

It was a really good read.
The only other thing I can remember reading in this style is over here at SoS Rol's Friday Fiction tales flow in the same way. It feels quirky, and the author asks you to leap into a new chapter without really ending the last, and it moves along at a real building pace...and yet..because the writing is so well done it's easy to keep the faith..the faith in a decent ending. And so I was reading it, in a sleeping bag rolled in a duvet, a couple of blankets on top, late into the night with the aid of a torch.

The Five people has a clever concept. Eddie the Maintenance Man gets to meet five people in heaven, people who have been relevant in his life even if he didn't know it..or a person whose life he may have played a part in, with or without knowing it.

It's Clever stuff and well worth reading..the kind of book that keeps you thinking for a few days after.

And home again..for a day..and then I had to drive to Telford for work, but I'm noticing a more laid back me
I mean really noticing it...music choices are smooth..I drove to Telford slower than I normally would..sauntering around Sainbury's last night ..not the usual frantic but perfectly organised shop..but a ..a..lazy swagger. I'm practically horizontal.

It must be my age.

Don't Compare

2010-09-21T11:59:00.002+01:00

Sitting in what is unquestionably the most nondescript waiting room in the world yesterday, I saw a girl.

A young girl, probably 17-ish, certainly no older than my own daughter, sat reading through a pile of old and tattered Heat magazines on a hard plastic chair. She wore a typical teenage uniform of designer jeans, Ugg boots and full make up. Her earrings would have made Pat Butcher envious.

The TV, high out reach, filled the room with irritating ad music and programmed nothingness.

She had a child with her, a small girl , maybe two years old. Pottering around the room in her smaller designer jeans, ugg boots and earrings. Her hair in corn rows, she moved from plastic chair to plastic chair, her huge brown eyes darting everywhere.
Not once, in the 40 minutes I sat there, did I see any interaction between mother and daughter.
No eye contact, no touch, no speech.

Her vocabulary wasn’t great..as I found out when she peered at the National Geographic I had found on the low table. She tried to say “table” but it just wouldn’t come out right. So we tried some new words together and we looked at pictures and she offered me a soggy crisp.
I glanced at her mum, who didn’t even look to see who her daughter might be talking to..and then I smiled at the little one. She beamed a toothy grin at me and moved closer.

My mum got a new puppy three weeks ago.
If a stranger comes into the room..he moves closer to your feet..snuggles in…feels your warmth..it might only be slight but the touch seems to make him braver.

Little girl did this too, she moved closer when a Goth couple came in the room, not to her mum but to me. She moved ever nearer my knees, her back to me, her hand reaching for mine. I’d forgotten how little people can grab a hold of your heart without even trying.

The meerkat appeared on the TV, at that point, with his catchy insurance jingle and clear as crystal, my little friend pointed and said “simples”..and we both laughed.

I’ve given myself lines this morning..you must not judge, you must not judge..
It could quite easily have been ..you must not think about stealing children.

D I S C O

2010-09-20T14:02:00.002+01:00

I need to add this to the playlist too

I'm sure as weasley little second years we had to perform this to our higher and more prestigious fourth years at a christmas sing song.

..and I'm still not sure they were laughing with us

Out of Control

2010-09-19T18:52:00.005+01:00

I can't believe I didn't think of it before..but better late than never.
My best friend is having a rough couple of years..all coinciding with her fortieth birthday. She didn't handle the day well....or the following year...and this year has been the worst yet. She feels a little out of control..I'm sure she's not the only one, we all know about mid-life crises.
Age affects everyone in different ways, depending on your perspective.
To her.. it seems like a great big pink neon sign flashing loudly and rudely that her best days are behind her.

It occurred to me today that I should make a CD for her. Flowers worked a little bit...I painted for her ...I sent wine...spa day..we did that.....but we are not quite there yet.

I saw the derelict control tower today whilst I was out in rainy windswept Lincolnshire and it reminded me of her. I probably won't tell her that bit.
It made me realise that I can't fix this..but I can maybe help her get through at least some of the days.

I'm compiling the playlist tonight..she almost exclusively listens to Ronan or Westlife..and so I have a difficult task ahead.

This is one of her favourites...so number one on the list is..

The Foundations - Build Me Up Buttercup

Working on the yours, mine and ours premise,

The Foundations – Build Me Up Buttercup

Altered Images – Don’t Talk To Me About Love

Billy Joel – Its Still Rock And Roll To Me

Melba Moore – This Is It

Rilo Kiley - With Arms Outstretched

Amy Winehouse – Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

Boyzone – Gave It All Away

Billy Bragg – You Make Me Brave

Marvin Gaye – How Sweet It Is

More to come…

...and links will be added later.

Walk

2010-09-17T12:33:00.004+01:00

There is a story, I promise..and a song.
Can I tell you later?.. I'm hellishly busy.. Is that ok? ..maybe tonight?..over a drink?.
Thank you
x

I hope you started without me..

I have a fabulous new gadget on my phone...when I go walking by the lake in the evening..I set my gadget to "go" and it tracks my way. It tells me how slow i'm going..how far I haven't walked..and then when I get back..it shows me a map of where I went. Handy for when senility sets in, I think. It also lets me take pictures, like the one I prepared earlier and records them on the aforementioned map. Genius.

I'm secretly very pleased with it because when I visit sites for work..it can be a three or four hour walk with hundreds of photos and then when I get back to the office..I have to "pritt stick" them onto a drawing a la Blue Peter..and try to recall where I was stood when I took it.

Spent the walk last night listening to "your average speed is..."

and

The Field Mice-Anoint

which made me smile...because I bet the Pope has this on his Ipod

Banjo

2010-09-16T12:06:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I began following Steve Martin and his tweets mentioned the banjo ( I didnt know he was a banjo player), as well as heroin (didn't know this either) and his new childrens book (or this). So scooting along with my train of thought I reached this..which I do know.

I know very little about Dock Boggs himself..titbits from Wiki..and I only have "down south blues" on my ipod..but he can play the banjo, cant he?

Time Flies

2010-09-15T21:50:00.005+01:00

I'm a creature of habit
It's all part and parcel of being a Taurean, I believe. I like repeats, traditions, routines.
I adore that the Canadian Geese fly over my house every night at seven-ish on their way from one lake to another. The One at the front (with the map) being loudly encouraged by his/her followers.
I like that the nights are getting darker earlier, it's as it should be.

Removed as part of a "Sober Edit" - M x

This song..I may have posted before... it doesn't matter how many new songs come along and take their place as my latest obsession..for me this is a keeper.

Rae Spoon- I should have danced

Mobile Blogging Test

2010-09-14T09:01:00.002+01:00

New blogger app for my phone lets me post on the go.
Like Lois Lane. I can bring you all the latest news as and when it happens. Doesn't this sound like fun?

I can add exciting photos... Like this one of my desk

So now I just need to turn my chair around and add the YouTube video from my laptop and remove the apostrophe put somewhere it shouldn't be. And we are good to go. I love timesaving devices,me .

Heard this on Radio 2's interview with Lloyd Cole on my way from dropping my girl at Uni.

Late ..as ever

2010-09-12T09:58:00.002+01:00

Yesterday's post was my 300th incredibly..and I can still remember the first ones
I liked the idea of a journal online, but as it hints at on the tin..the idea of it not being secret didn't feel quite right. So I kept it for my own reading for a short while, which was just silly. I got over it and shared, with some encouragement from a super blogger or two.
Yesterday was also my Nans 79th birthday..I didn't forget that..I just forgot to mention it.
I think my relationship with my Nan has been the most confusing of my life, but at the same time..the very very simplest..and reminds me that unconditional love is actually a lot easier than it sounds.

Sad Songs Say So Much

2010-09-11T10:05:00.005+01:00

I have adored this song since it turned up on a mix cd, made for my car, by a friend.
I played it again and again..its lilting sounds thoroughly entrenched in my psyche..I hummed it at work..I sang it in the bath..sort of..It's my ultimate catchy tune.

A happy song.
Except it's not.

Kyu Sakamoto's "Ue o muite arukō me" - I will walk looking up... So the tears dont fall.
Released in Britain in 1963 and given the name Sukiyaki. It definitely has a late 50's feel about it and untranslated makes a fabulous feelgood song. Translating the lyrics gave the song a whole new dimension for me... it actually works on both levels. I've been awake since seven this morning thinking about any other songs I might know which are sad but which are humworthy and make you want to swing those hips...I'm still thinking

Sukiyaki - Kyu Sakamoto

Outside The Box

2010-09-10T22:30:00.002+01:00

A little test...

James Carr - Forgetting You

James Carr - There Goes My Used To Be

A Good Week..But I'm Certain It Should Be Friday

2010-09-09T11:35:00.002+01:00

..and it has been a good week.

I had time to sit and draw this week. Organised doodling is a good way to describe it, and other than getting lost in a good book, it's the very best way for me to shut down the constant thinking.

Listened to a lot of stuff this week, mostly The Very Best Of Marvin Gaye and You Got My Mind Messed Up by the wonderful, velvety smooth voice of James Carr...and THE headphones arrived. Oh but they are beautiful. I've only seen them from afar...they were placed on my ears for a full twenty three seconds to assure me of their quality and then they were removed..but they're shiny and curvy...and ..perfect.

James Carr and those headphones..and my week will be complete, even if it is only Thursday.

NB Fileden..I'm going to give you another chance. Yes I know you lost all my files because you closed my account and I got very very annoyed with you, but I'm a forgiving kinda gal and I do want to post some loveliness on my blog..mind you..consider this your last chance..We Yorkshire women aren't pushovers..and..er..you won't like me when im angry.

Getting a Grip

2010-09-06T09:58:00.003+01:00

I lived in headphones when I was a teenager, the only thing that has changed over the years is the amount of time I can spend with them on..they don't like it in the office, so....

I love a good pair of headphones as much as the next unsociable loner, but the ones shown above..Dr Dre Beats Studio by Dr Dre...they're giving me a headache right now.

The Boy has bought a pair with his GCSE reward money..every last penny of it.
I held my tongue, but before he ordered I insisted on reading reviews and there's absolutely no doubt these headphones have amazing sound quality to go with their big big price tag. However, 60% of reviews..(I worked that out mathematically to add weight to my argument) say that the quality of the plastic and fittings is not so good, in fact they all mention cracking after two or three months.

And still he ordered.
and I'm glad he did..I would have done the same at 16.
so, the question is....Whose mother have I turned into?
Not mine..My mother spends money as if its going out of fashion
I need to get a grip. Seriously.

I can't wait to get my mitts on those headphones, where, of course..they'll get a better quality of noise through them

...and Breathe

2010-08-25T09:01:00.004+01:00

GCSE Results in hand, the boy is going to enrol in College today. Smiling. Possibly even more relaxed than he usually is.

and so I can breathe a little sigh of relief...for a while.

To celebrate we had an iphone night..uni girl is still home until next week and so the three of us sat and compared music, apps and facetime (videocalling which actually is going to wear very thin..very quickly).
We did find a fabulous app which the three of us almost finished together.

Say what you see Music Fest..is sort of like Where's Wally and Catchphrase combined
Clever eh?..Its actually a fantastic app.

Of course, They both laughed and said I probably wouldn't know any bands who appeared at festivals..or any other bands for that matter..
I'm surprised they didnt send me to bed with fluffy socks and a cup of cocoa.

In the screenshot above..you can see two gaming machines with flames coming out...ta da...Arcade Fire and so it goes on around the festival site until you have all fifty..or not!
I have 37

Can anyone help with "a leg in plaster sticking out of a tent??"

screenshot is from here

Bonus Material

2010-08-13T13:46:00.002+01:00

Be who you are
Don’t
Bow
Don’t
Bend
To whom they may think
You are
No regret
Ever needed
Or necessary
Ever
Being you
Without cover
Is enough

Her Fearful Symmetry

2010-08-13T12:26:00.003+01:00

I was a huge fan of Audrey Niffenegger’s “The Time Traveller's Wife”, I like her writing style, her characters are the normal kind of weird people I connect with and she is the kind of author I keep a close eye on to see what’s next. Before I left for Rome I bought her latest novel “Her Fearful Symmetry”, even the title is very Niffenegger. (William Blake’s Tiger Tiger)

The story centres around a pair of Mirror twins who are the daughters of a woman who is also a twin. Elspeth and Edwina, the older twins haven’t spoken for many years and this thread of a secret runs throughout the tale. With Elspeth dying from leukaemia and leaving her flat and all its contents to the younger twins, her nieces, the story moves and stays centred around London’s Highgate Cemetery. The story is a ghost story primarily and a very traditional one at that, it focuses on our desires to talk to our loved ones from the “other side” and not be entirely gone. The twins, Julia and Valentina, have an ethereal quality and are solitary creatures which fits perfectly with their new surroundings, the cemetery backs onto their garden and their aunt, although still hanging around their apartment, is entombed within the family plot in Highgate.
Love plays a part throughout the tale, but it’s a very fine weave and for me, the real affection felt through the book was for the Cemetery itself. Niffenegger worked there as a guide whilst writing the story. The characters are solid (ha!), even with the heart of the book being about the graveyard, it still manages to be more about the living than the dead and I had a soft spot for Martin, the OCD sufferer from upstairs, whose wife had finally had enough and left him.
It’s an intriguing and original recipe for a yarn and well worth reading, but maybe I would have liked it be a little more condensed, a little less quantity but with Niffenegger’s usual quality.

Back to Earth

2010-08-10T08:49:00.003+01:00

Okay..so i've been holidaying quite a bit over the past few weeks. Rome and then Cornwall.

Different holidays altogether. Mad, Sprinting, Manic, See-it-all Rome and Lazy, Bookreading, Sauntering Cornwall. So thats me done for the year :(

So..back at my desk...negativity seeping through my positive defences like a bad fog.

I think I have two or three more days in my shields.
(Apparently I have a healthy dose of GeekChic?...is that a good thing?)

In other news..Its two weeks to GCSE results and the boy is a lot less nervous than I am.

Rome.........

2010-07-29T15:51:00.003+01:00

...was perfect.

Plans of Mice and Women

2010-07-13T19:50:00.002+01:00

Still here.
planning a wonderful post about music and songs and something clever and witty and I even have the time tonight to write it. Happy with myself..mostly..pleased with my exam results..and just generally telling myself daily that I am extremely lucky and should count my blessings.

Sailing along on a sometimes choppy..sometimes calmish sea..and then a great big push-your-head-under, overwhelming wave comes along and wipes it all out.

Thats today..a mistake at work. Not an error. A simple missed PDF. And the ones who have been waiting for you to fail..grin widely and jump in. They may have waited six years but its all the better for the wait. Life's timing sucks.

Instead of witty and clever and music..I am licking my wounds ..tomorrow....tomorrow I will deal and try to move on with my journey aboard the sometimes MarieCeleste sometimes Titanic..I still probably won't wear a life jacket..but I think it might be time to make sure I reserve a space on a Life Boat.

and witty and clever-ish will follow shortly....

1984

2010-06-16T14:41:00.002+01:00

Rubbish Day yesterday...long long drive..frustration..and quite frankly..a lot of blinking nonsense.

But..on the epic journey to the West Midlands..I heard this..and I'm ashamed to say it wasn't anywhere to be found on my ipod (it is now) and I love love love it. If ever I was to dance like there was no one watching..it would be to this song. From June 1984..when I was a sweet sixteen year old and making a big old mess of my GCSE's to June 2010 when the sweetness has worn off a bit and sixteen seems another lifetime ago..but I am academically slowly improving..Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat. With its four minutes of hugeness yesterday..It put everything beautifully in its place.

Duck outside !

2010-06-14T10:07:00.003+01:00

As I opened the blinds in my office on this grey monday morning...I saw these two..Mr and Mrs Duck looking back at me.
So my lunch has been shared. Cheese on wholemeal bread. Are ducks vegetarian? They didn't complain anyhow.

Different

2010-06-12T17:29:00.002+01:00

The World cup in 1998. I lived somewhere else. Busier, more children, more flags,street parties... livelier on the whole than here. The boy was shorter, chubbier and wanted his hair spraying red. His sister wanted plaits..lots of them with red and white ribbons. Oh..how things change. There was a giddiness about the whole thing, and i'm not sure if its missing this time because a) they're both older and not overly interested ..or b) we live in the quietest place on earth...and that it is even more quiet than usual today.

maybe it's me
maybe i'm older and wiser.
I'm definitely older

escaping with Florence..until now...when its time to escape to the Cinema.

enjoy the game !

ps Vuvuzela app for the iphone/ipod ...and i'm still...still smiling about Desmond Tutu's interview on the news yesterday. I wish I was that cool

Following...

2010-06-11T09:57:00.002+01:00

I used to twitter..about two years ago... and then I didn't.
But i'm giving it another chance..mainly because I don't think two days was really long enough for me to understand the rules. :)

@secretmillie

Please feel free to add/follow/search. I'll work it out as I go along

It's The Climb

2010-06-09T10:23:00.003+01:00

Who knew Miley Cyrus and Joe McElderry could be so right !
It is indeed the Climb
I wonder if Sir Edmund thought this when he reached the summit. Or if he thought.."oh thats a nice view" for five minutes and then let his mind wander onto his next uphill struggle.
So..I'm qualified...and today is the day...seven men decide whether I should get the same rewards and benefits as three other men who do the same job I do. What's my chances?
Its the same job I have been doing for the last five years. They have reaped the benefits of my hard work...and kept me holding on until I had a piece of paper with my qualifications written on it. I have a feeling that I may wish I was still on that climb, because at some point in the next week..I'm going to need to make a decision. Can I live with giving 100% and getting 75.4% in return?

Oh gosh..what a depressing post..I knew I should have written the SATC2 review.
Liza Minelli and the Gay Swans..I'm not sure I'll forget that scene for a while !

:)

Adopted

2010-06-07T12:17:00.003+01:00

Out of desperation last night, I watched the Cameron Diaz film, The Box.
And here I am..still turning it over in my mind. What an odd film.
A man with half a face delivers a box to your house and it has a red button on it.
Simple ! You press the button and a million dollars is delivered to you within a day. Oh..and someone dies. Someone you dont know dies and you get a million dollars.

So what would you do?

I've never had that much of a love for money so its an easy one for me. I could never live with someone/anyones death ..the money would never be enough to chase away the guilt.

The box was delivered to three women in the film..their husbands said No..and all three pressed the button anyhow.
So that'll be the greedy, grabbing female sex then.
Needless to say...as they always do in films...it was never that simple..and once we got over the weird and whacky wallpaper from the 1970's..we were thrust into the weird and whacky world of aliens and ..er..nosebleeds

I had to watch 'til the end..even though I was exhausted..so that has to say something for the film..but really..I'm not sure I'd recommend it.

In other news..at weird and whacky world central...my mum has bought new underwear for my Dad. he has moved on from Y fronts, he's pushing 60...and has now moved to jockey shorts. I know this because I saw, first hand, the "Playboy" waistband. Apparently, they are really soft cotton !!
If anyone asks..i'm adopted...ok?

Proud

2010-06-04T09:46:00.002+01:00

Way back in September of last year, I remember writing here that I was anxious about my daughter leaving for Uni. That I had packed her pro-plus and all her other medical necessities and that she had casually mentioned she would see me in three or four months at Christmas time. Minor meltdown, but I handled it well on the surface. I am a Swan.
Well, she's coming home tonight..for the whole summer.
Guess what?...I think she may have missed me. It wasn't three months between visits, the texts have been lovely, she remembered that although I am ancient, I do work and I do have email. In truth..I might have spoken to her more in the last year, than in her final year at college.
She will be glad to leave Halls...dingy, depressing and dirty just about sums them up..and she will move into a lovely shiny apartment in the City for next year.
I think she is a nicer person for her year away from home, she has made new friends, partied, slept, and laughed her way through the year...and I'm very proud of her...and its friday...and the sun is shining.

Thirst

2010-05-28T09:22:00.003+01:00

I've had a thirst for poetry, maybe because I've been in a sombre mood..if I were male they may say I had retreated to my cave, but...

Quenched by flitting between Carol Ann Duffy, Lucille Clifton, Dorothy Parker and settling on this by Gwendolyn Brooks.

The Crazy Woman

I shall not sing a May song.
A May song should be gay.
I'll wait until November
And sing a song of gray.

I'll wait until November
That is the time for me.
I'll go out in the frosty dark
And sing most terribly.

And all the little people
Will stare at me and say,
"That is the Crazy Woman
Who would not sing in May

I'm looking forward to June...

Flick !

2010-05-21T21:57:00.002+01:00

My steering wheel has lots of buttons on it which allow me to flick through radio stations at will, a bit like an ipod.
Friday afternoon..the end of a week of exams..the end of my last week at uni, ever..the sun is shining..it's all feeling a bit good..and I flicked from this

to this...

to this....

and that about covers my journey from office to home, and how could I do anything but smile !

Twinkle

2010-05-18T13:40:00.003+01:00

Because I heard this, I felt a need to write that

Maybe she was cooler than she thought because she didn’t know how to be cool.
As with any other place, she didn’t feel as though she fit in here.
Her parents were different, they paid her best friend to take her out. Into clubs and bars where no-one should want their 15 year old to be. The club was dingy at best, seedy at worst, and full of school going teenagers and some older gangs who had left school and liked the kudos of being the ones with cash pocketed from their Youth Training Schemes, their scooters parked haphazardly outside the door. Their parkas lay carefully over the back of the red velvet benches.
Same songs, same people, same Sunday night, same Monday morning art class filled with gossip from the night before. It was a pattern. And if you follow a pattern don’t you eventually fit in? 1983, Oxfam, Paul Weller, The Kinks, Red Patent Stilletos, Skirts too tight to board the bus…and Scooter boys.
They always seem to have a leader, boys , She wondered if that’s only how it seems from the outside, if they really know that they have one “centre of all attention”, She thought girls did. He knew how to be cool, or maybe he just didn’t. She thought he didn’t. She thought he had been born that way, there was never a hint of trying. Weeks of watching him quietly, doing everything quietly, weeks of listening to the art room gossip, only to be asked if she had really been there?..we didn’t see you , they’d say. Weeks and weeks of that.
A summertime Sunday, warm and light, walking out of the sunshine into the dark familiarity of the club, hearing the same old DJ play the same old favourites, seeing the same groups gathered by the same tables. Creatures of habit we are. She watches, a habit of hers. He never glances her way, not once. Not even as they leave, the scooter boys, not even then does he survey the room and catch her eye and suddenly the buzz has left the room. Take away the older boys and all you have is a schoolroom, a schoolroom with lager.
Leaving at 10.30, the night is still warm and she feels cheated out of her last hours of watching, food for her teenage dreams stolen away, but the scooters stand there, like a huge sign. Parked in formation with their mirrors glinting orange from the streetlights and the boys walked three astride towards the doors.
It happened fast and she, in years later, had to remind herself that this part wasn’t a dream. He was in the centre, maybe they do have an instinct for that, and she looked only at the floor, watching was only allowed when he wasn’t..and then . Soft deep kiss and a whispered I have seen you as he lifted her off the ground…and he was gone and ….she was gone too.
Art class was full of questions and that look..the one girls give when they are quite certain she couldn’t have pulled it off without the use of drugs. The “why you?..why not me?” look. Hurtful, sometimes. Satisfying, always. She never spoke to him again. She didn’t even watch him . The club closed. Scooters were sold. Skirts got longer. Memories stayed.

Phyllis the Surfer

2010-05-14T11:50:00.002+01:00

The boy got a lovely certificate yesterday for helping out at an IT course run at his school for the older generation. The "silver surfers" are a group of pensioners who wanted to learn all about the internet. He's mentioned Phyllis to me a few times over the last few weeks.. she's a wonderful character who burst into song at the click of a mouse, has very bad eyesight so uses the biggest keyboard in history and has to have a magnifying cover over her screen..and she is 90.
A 90 year old being taught by a 16 year old on how to use the internet.
I personally think it has a touch of the genius about it!

and Phyllis got her certificate too .

ps Its his last day of school today. Tradition says he must take a spare shirt and marker pen to school today..and swim shorts so he can jump in the lake at the end of his leavers assembly.

oh happy days !!

Sloth and Steady

2010-05-11T13:34:00.000+01:00

well..it made me smile !!

May..

2010-05-08T10:41:00.002+01:00

With a forced spring in my step..I am facing my life again

The wedding..the second wedding...is cancelled..due to the death of my mother's beloved dog, I think i may have mentioned she was special, my mother ..not the dog. Although the dog, he was special too. No family feuds to avoid here, no seating plans to deliberate, no speeches. A new dog is being searched for as I type, but there will be no going back. I ..of course, it would be my job...I had to ring the Vicar..and the hotel..and the family, but then again I also had to take the dog to the vets on that bloody awful morning. I get picked for all the best jobs.

My graduation is looming..it must be..because i'm beginning to dream about the "tripping on the stairs" moment.

I want to avoid the whole political circus circling us right now. But then you'll think i'm a lightweight..and ..sigh
Is it naive to think that if we squashed them all together..we might just produce one decent political party?
I've heard this bandied around on all news channel..but..isnt it true..that really we had no real stand out choice?...did we all just vote for what we thought was the best of a bad bunch? I like to see strength..and what I see , what I feel..is weakness. At my career appraisal three months ago..i pointed out that I never saw our MD...that I feel that we are on a driverless bus..and as i havent been privy to the little window at the front with our destination..I sometimes worry about our direction. the same could be said for the election..I think we may have conductors..(remember those?)..but we seem to be missing a driver.

The rest...the rest is music and art and books..and its all still happening when it can happen. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet..a tale to be told..but no real backbone to the writing. Dipping into itunes to find old and "lost" songs and voices missed. Galleries..and wandering aimlessly, glass of champagne in hand (I've always wanted to do that)until the Curator takes pity on my solitude and gives me a personal guided tour of his favourite 18th century art. Visits to sites way up in the Highlands and having to remind myself that this is work. Having the physical strength again to make to the top of a very very high mountain and listen to the silence.

and...I'm not ready to ask for much more than that just yet.

Be Kind Rewind

2010-03-17T11:56:00.002Z

I've fallen out with my mother.
It didn't really feel like me....my evil alter ego took over, just for a second..although..I do happen to think I'm right..obviously !
I actually said "bullshit" to my mother. Now there's a word I never ever use..and I chose ..no, not chose...spontaneously threw that word at my mother.
Via my Father.
Which makes it just that little bit worse.

Sometimes.."Skyplus rewind for Life" would be very very handy.

Listening to Codeine Velvet Club
Reading Book of Souls by somebody
Watching Ricky Gervais - The Invention of Lying. Odd but funny, I think.
Not doing nearly enough Uni work

Pick Me !!

2010-03-15T14:02:00.004Z

Arms full of scarves, gloves, muddy boots and an Iphone last night....I stumbled into a warm kitchen after a day out in the lovely tempting pre-spring weather and after dumping the whole lot on the floor..Iphone too...this began to play.
Its the equivalent of a song sat in a room full of songs..with its arm stretched high in the air..straining to get off its seat...desperate for attention...and finally just standing up..and yelling....please listen to me!
Because I hadn't
I have never heard it before, but its there on my ipod..which wasn't active..and hadn't been used all day long.
.......and isn't it just bloody marvellous.

A Vile Start ..

2010-03-13T20:59:00.004Z

It's been a sod of a year so far. I am completely underwhelmed and most certainly not impressed by 2010.
Maybe I built it up..put it on a pedestal...treated it with a reverence it really didn't deserve..It was to be my year. Ha !
I knew, of course. On 31st December 2009..a real sense of dread came over me..and I just knew..that I was in for some kind of trouble.
It has also occurred to me that..maybe "my year" had to be paid for first..by having almost four months of misery and difficulty. Finally though....things may be turning around. I feel better. A bit. Just today. After spending more time in a hospital than I have in the whole of my life, I feel as though there might be light at the end of the tunnel. Dont worry...I'm not heading towards it !

So..today. I feel well-ish. The boy is back doing outsidey things, which is what he does best. I had two bouquets delivered this morning..not one..but two. The sun shone. I saw crocuses/crocii(?)..spring?..possibly? My friend (Thank you x)made me a compilation file, full to the last Mb of scrumptious music.

Someone I haven't heard before, Kurt Vile was in the mix and kinda stood out for me. "Breathing out"..seems like an apt line for me right now.

You can find more about him
here

Flaky Salmon

2010-02-17T16:08:00.002Z

I was beginning to suspect a form of literary dysfunction..it's probably known by those people who know about these things as a three letter acronym..but I, who doesn't actually know very much at all, knew only that I have been skimming books.
Money, hard earned and spent on a range of delights..only to be glanced at briefly and relegated to the shelf with "young James Bond" novels..(it's the only one that isn't like to collapse under the weight).
I haven't told anyone..obviously. It's made me feel less smart, more flaky, cheap even...and definitely not like me.
It's quite possible that my brain may be screaming "For gods sake, let me digest through all this crap before you push any more through the shredder"..it could very well be that.
I'm a salmon this year..swimming upstream..against the current..waiting for the big brown bear to flip me with his huge paw onto the pebbled shore, where I can gasp for my last breath before the bastard comes to eat me.
So there's quite obviously two issues here...but over the last day, I have read Nick Hornby's Juliet Naked. In one big long read, ignoring the rest of life..and somehow getting away with it..I finished it. It wasn't brilliance. It was sad, a little..and funny, a little...and it made me think, a little. The characters were real-ish and the plot didnt entirely carry me away. But it worked...as a viagra for my dysfunction..and now I don't feel so cheap...but I do still feel like that salmon.

Rage Against The Meme

2010-02-09T19:28:00.005Z

A "get it all out there meme" borrowed from Rol from here..Thank you Rol.

Foods which disgust me: Jelly...I hate Jelly. In truth I hate all sloppy food. My mum used to add bread to my soup and I hated that too. Slop !

TV shows I loathe: Big Brother.."Celebrity" reality shows..I cringe far too easily.

Movie I loathe: God I hate films which have any connection with Guy Ritchie or Jason Statham....or Vinnie Jones

Music Genres I Loathe: Dancey Drum and Bass annoying genre

Magazine which annoys me: Magazines that think I care about celebrity lifestyles. I have a life of my own..I dont care about theirs.

Makes me cranky at a restaurant: People who talk loudly, or sit texting on their mobile phones, or worse...talking loudly on them..oh alright..just people in general !

Makes me cranky in public: rudeness

Makes me cranky in general: rudeness, arrogance, ...patronising git faces..sexist useless wastes of space....aaah..general....not cranky at work?...sorry.

Pisses me off at home: filling the dishwasher..I mean, really..its supposed to be a timesaving device.

Pisses me off at work: see two above. I could write a page here. A certain duo who think its okay to take my typed letters from the printer..and amend them. Grrrr. I have worked here longer than you..and I can write a letter better than you. So F**k OFF !

Pisses me off in general: Yeah..thats them again actually

Celebrity I hate: Katie Price..she is vile

Music artist I hate: Bono, Lily Allen, Sting, Pet Shop Boys, Billy Bragg. Back to therapy for me.

I couldn't care less about: The private lives of celebrities.

Movie star you despise: Vinnie Jones..Ha

Politician you hate: Dont know one that I like..so a tough question.

Beverage you hate: Mocha..bleeurgh !

I Want To Walk You Home

2010-02-06T12:09:00.002Z

I've been singing this for days. In the office..at home..in the car. I guess our receptionist has heard me as I rush past her desk. (She sits between me and coffee.)
A text message from her this morning tells me she can't get it out of her head and it's driving her mad... So that made me smile !!

Whilst I have the boy with the bad knee as a captive audience...or do I just mean captive?.....we are studying quadratics, simultaneous...every equation the GCSE exam board can think of, in fact ..we are slogging our way through the Maths revision guide..he has an exam on Monday. Actually..I'm painting..humming Fats Domino..and occasionally offering mathematical advice.. just being in the same room tends to aid his study session. It helps that I know all those little tricks that help us to hide windows from prying eyes..one click..and your facebook is gone.
One facebook and your laptop is gone is my own version.
So..that's two smiles. It might be a good weekend.

Has It Really Been A Week?

2010-01-27T17:33:00.002Z

I feel as though I could quite easily post a list of everything that has happened in the last week. Just a list. Its been that kind of a week.
I haven't had time to tell anyone how ill I really feel.
I have pushed myself physically until I scared myself half to death.
Finally I visited the dreaded GP..and he was hearing me..he just wasn't listening..or should that be the other way around.
Anyhow...as usual...I'll sort it myself !

My athletic son has a torn cartilage..no sports..no walking...no helping mum ...good thing he has an Xbox eh? (That was sarcasm)

I booked the church for my mum and dad..goodness me, but religion is expensive these days!

Back at Uni for my last semester...and then my student days are well and truly over.

I'm just loving the "Nurse Jackie" series. Sheer Brilliance.

Reading "The Road" by Cormac Macarthy... and its coming along nicely.

Cancelled...no..not cancelled..postponed my gym membership...because I have no energy to spare at the moment.

One of my favourite tracks at the moment from Sigh No More..
I still love the Jenny Owens Young track with the similar lyrics..yep its true..I have developed a craving for the word "F**K"

Do I need help?

The "Normal" Wedding

2010-01-19T09:14:00.004Z

Into the new year and my plans are coming together for my mum and dad's second wedding. I'm a big believer in normal..and you might think that makes me boring...but I have to fight for normal, and I always had to. My family were different enough for me to, even as a teenager, want to blend into the background..be normal..fit the mould.
We went to the hotel last night to talk about food and music and rooms and most importantly...costs.
The wedding coordinator gave me a ridiculous sum to think about...staggering..and after a quick mental total up..I told her there was no possible way that could be right for what we were wanting. OK she said..what's your budget?
A sure sign that she had upped the costs in the first place !
I gave her our budget...and she nodded...agreed....and then my dad piped up that actually..he could afford a little bit more than that !!
Not surprisingly..her new costs came in at the exact figure my Dad could afford...and not my budget limit.

I suggested a summer ball.
A theme.
my mum scowled ...and said what about a Country and Western Theme?
Gingham..plaits...boots and spurs.
No
There will be no theme.

In other news...my son made himself a prawn cocktail (???)...he googled it !

........and so back to normality.

I have downloaded the Mumford & Sons album "Sigh No More"
Listening and Liking

Whined out.........

2010-01-15T20:40:00.003Z

I try not to want.
It feels ungrateful, I guess...and sometimes I do worry about tempting fate. Someone who has this much and I'm not talking material goods..in truth, I am rarely talking about material things..I don't really feel I have the right to want more. OK..I'm afraid to want more. Thats a better way to word it. I have a fear that something will be taken from me if I expect more. Not for free. I never ask for anything for free. I accept that there is a price to pay..work to do..pain to bear. I'm far too honest to work in the business world, I am too loyal to play the games, I am too kind to hurt feelings, But I work so hard and I am worth more than this...I want respect ..for what I do, for what I acheive, for what I contribute...and the fact that I'm female shouldn't matter

Ah.Friday evening....Wined up...Whined out...and Winding down

I have an Itunes card for £15 left over from Christmas and I'm going to sit here and shop.

Do Mnie (Come Here)

2010-01-14T10:34:00.003Z

I may have mentioned somewhere before that my family are Polish, my grandfather came here after the war and never returned home.

As I was growing up, I was taught a few words of his language but most of what I was taught by him and my uncle were the commands to speak to the dogs. They both understood Polish perfectly..the dogs, that is. We often had the Tone or Content argument but ultimately...if you told them to sit "siad"...then they sat.
My grandfather, my uncle and the dogs are all long gone now...so when I saw this on the BBC website, it brought back some lovely memories and made me smile.

Danger - Irritable Female

2010-01-12T14:55:00.002Z

I've heard lots of times about Black Ice...the mysterious unseen danger on our roads.
I've never seen it though...which is obvious..because its the mysterious unseen danger. Except this morning I did. See it. And felt its wrath.
Heading towards a junction, un-coffeed, I noticed the road had a threatening gleam about it and as I passed over it , it stole the power from my brakes. On I went..and on..and on..I saw a car approaching the junction from my right and although he was some distance away ..I waved and flashed to warn him...that I wasn't going to stop any time soon. Emergency over, I continued down the hill, waved politely at the gentleman behind me..and I do mean behind me..almost in my boot actually. Incredibly..because he thought I had intentionally pulled into the road..he decided to do that.."intimidating and bullying I'm right behind you" thing...on a steep and icy road.
As I said...I hadn't had coffee

and that would be my defence in court.

I braked..(and they worked) and got out of the car..and walked calmly to the "gentleman" behind me..to explain that whilst I apologise for the frantic waving and the not stopping at the give way...it didnt take a great deal of intelligence to work out that I was unable to stop..and also that driving within 7mm of my bumper might actually cause us both the damage we had just escaped. And that would make me REALLY cross !

He understood, I think.

The Cars

2010-01-11T14:29:00.002Z

I watched the film "My Best Friend's Girl" last week..and whilst being very rude...and very very funny...this song played at various points throughout. And I remembered I quite like it

Tat Mat

2010-01-05T11:54:00.002Z

Mousemat..radio..calculator...tell me..what more can you ask for?

One of those horrifying christmas moments when you peep through the wrapping and think.."what the...?"
Without exception..everyone laughed. The pressie was from my sister..the least tecchy (?) person ever. I can only imagine she saw it and thought it would answer all my prayers.
One ungrateful wretch suggested I put it directly into the dustbin and save my batteries for more important uses..but ..she's my sister...and I'm a big softie.

I began using it this week when I hit the revision with the vigour and enthusiasm only a new year can bring. It works fine. Its a good little mat...the calculator is no use because it only has the digits and the four main symbols...and the radio...the radio only picks up Radio 2. Not one of my usual channels..but I've heard a lot of blues and jazz over the last three days..and I'm quite impressed with my little tat-mat, as its been named.

Shhhhhhh...Snow

2010-01-02T20:45:00.003Z

My face is burning..cheeks red..I think my chin is frozen at the moment,so I'll let you know how that goes once it defrosts. After a long day, revising and chasing formulae around in my head, I needed to walk.
Not quite full snow flakes...not really rain..but wonderful to walk in.
The crisp white covering on the ground worked better than dropping breadcrumbs, and I didn't meet a single person on my way to buy emergency chocolate supplies, so mine were the only footprints. Mostly, the mile and a half walk is through and beside trees and the odd house still lit with twinkly christmas lights in the window.... the soft shhhhhhh-ing of this strange hybrid snow falling was hypnotic and with my face turned upwards, I watched the drops falling gracefully to their resting place.

Home by my fire..chocolate at hand..emergency diverted.

Duck Magic

2009-12-31T11:17:00.003Z

I have been home all Christmas..no jaunting to the Highlands for me this year.
There has been at least one day..or maybe two...where I have been pyjama'd all day long..and I have drunk gin and tonic in the afternoon.
Lady of leisure extraordinaire !

I hate that I forget things. I forget that if I take the time to paint..I stop thinking..I become me again. I also forget that for the princely sum of an old bag of bread...I can spend time feeding the ducks and my smile can last all day. If you go now..when its cold and icy..they dont get fed very often and they make sure you know how hungry they are. And they're brave too. Hopping out from their wintry skating rink and onto the side to tug at the bottom of my jeans.
These pictures were taken when the ice had melted...so its more of a watery battle ground for birds.

After all that shopping before Christmas..It took the ducks to remind me that the best things in life are free*

Happy New Year !

* I had to pay for the Gin and Tonic

No Wonder

2009-12-29T17:31:00.003Z

I really wanted to buy a draughts set for Christmas.
Not an online version
Not a electronic game version
The Board type with Black and White pieces...thats all..not much to ask, is it?

and I couldn't find one anywhere..not in the town..not in the city..not in the overcrowded "justoutofthecentreshoppinghellplace"..hmmph !

Like Ol' Isaac..when it dawned on him one day why the apple fell...I stood in the shadows of the cathedral with a huge grin on my face and knew where I must head.

You never know what you've got..until it's gone :(

My New Year Project

2009-12-22T12:05:00.003Z

In addition to the huge year ahead for me on a personal note..University exams and graduation..new job..(possibly)..lots to do..lots to look forward to.
I have a new project. Wedding Planner. 50-80 people. All the trimmings. Dresses, suits, church, reception..well behaved guests..the whole kit and caboodle.
Lists is what I need. Lists to remind me of what lists I have made..and post-it notes to remind me of where I have put the lists.
There'll be no big pinky meringue-y dresses..No 1 on the list..No karaoke..2nd on my list...third..no James Blunt first dance tunes either.
In fact...the first dance will interesting..because the bride and groom have been dancing together..metaphorically..for the last forty years. Forty years ago..to the very day of their new wedding....they wed in a small register office..for the entire sum of 25 old pounds..borrowed wedding dress..borrowed suit...sandwiches made by the mums...babychams bought by the dads..no real merriment involved..just a lot of "it'll never last" behind their hands.

There will be blog updates on how the planning is going throughout the next few months, But I intend to make my Mum and Dad's wedding a day they will never forget..for all the right reasons.

Listening to tons of stuff right now.

Jenny Lewis in particular
Elvis Costello
Lady Gaga..(music snobbery aside..I think she might make good pop songs)

A very Merry Christmas to you all..and a Happy, Peaceful and Wonderful New Year and Decade to you too !!

xx

New Decade?

2009-12-11T10:56:00.002Z

I heard on a radio station this week that we are heading for a new decade..2010...beginning of a new decade...but is it?

2000 to 2009..thats ten years..a decade
but
wouldn't that mean we started at 0...the Year 0...I dont think so
and if we started at 1..which is where most of us begin...then 2011 is the first year of the decade

Please Help
Yours
Confused of Yorkshire

Blusher

2009-12-03T18:45:00.002Z

I had a lecture today. An odd sort of lecture..in that..there are only three of us in the room...the Tutor..me and one other. So lecture might be a bit too strong a word for it. Its my favourite time of the day. We sit and discuss and chat..we completely lose the chalk and talk ethos of other lectures and everything taught and said in that cosy hour stays in...as opposed to coming out of the other ear.
We were all sat comfortably in a lovely new swish room and we began discussing the finer points of the Law...when I heard The Bitterest Pill by The Jam..it wasnt quite filling the room..but it was giving a pleasant background sound. I honestly thought they had piped music into the Uni lecture theatres..which is a novel idea..dont you think? The other two in the room had a bemused expression and as we moved into more hits by The Jam..it was becoming more of a puzzle.
And thats the point when my face became very very warm.....and reddish.I recalled I was listening to those exact songs last night..and discovered the music was coming from my schoolbag...my iphone in my schoolbag.
Sometimes I can be a very dumb bright person

Ice Ice Baby...

2009-12-02T11:02:00.002Z

Brrrrr...freezing frosty morning yesterday
The first of many to come.

My black car was iced white..the thick kind..not the stuff you can just get in and let the heater and the wiper do the works
How I miss cassette tapes in the car
They scraped the ice away better than anything...better than Halfords Ice glove..better than the kitchen spatula..and as I found out yesterday...better than my Sainsburys Nectar Card.

Only Love....

2009-12-01T10:32:00.003Z

Over several hours of the weekend..(I love Anytime TV)..I watched this film for the first time.
Honestly.. if you had asked me if I had already seen it back in the day, I would have probably said yes. But I hadn't, I may have confused the title with something else entirely. And it pretty much made my weekend.
Tough to pick a favourite scene, but this comes close.
A definite coolness about the film, without trying too hard. I think that may be a decent definition of cool. Not trying too hard. But there are very few of us who can actually get away with it. I tried...too hard.
Watching the film transported me way back to my first real dumping..I swear I can still feel how much that hurt. I can recall exactly what I was wearing that night....I can remember the days and nights I stayed in my room...headphoned up...tears streaming...Mint Juleps..telling me ..that only love can break my heart..and how I believed every word of that song.

A "Friendly" Interrogation

2009-11-24T20:49:00.006Z

It's sad but I dont see my friends as often as I should..so this came by email..from one of them. I think we need to catch up soon if she has forgotten all this stuff about me

1. What time did you get up this morning?

7.15am..I have the second shower slot.

2. Diamonds or pearls?

Diamonds are my birthstone..I prefer simple jewellery so small diamonds are fine, Santa :)

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

500 days of summer. Great soundtrack. Gentle flowing film and better than I thought it would be

4. What is your favorite TV show?

I dont watch very much TV..pushed..I would have to say....Megastructures

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?

I never eat breakfast..and I think its too late for me to change

6. What is your middle name?

Maria..thrown in to please a Catholic priest I suspect

7. What food do you dislike?

I dont eat meat or fish....and I hate jelly

8. What is your favorite CD at moment?

Michael Buble..sigh..sorry. But it soothes my aggressive driving style

9. Favorite Color?

Blue..it goes back to my schooldays of being in Blue house..named after Priestley.

10. Favorite sandwich?

Brie and Cranberry

11. What characteristic do you despise?

Arrogance..rudeness..and selfishness..I know thats three...often found together though :)

12. Favorite item of clothing?

warm socks

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?

a log cabin in Canada

14 . Favorite brand of clothing?

I love Matthew Williamson handbags

15. Where would you retire to?

I'm not going to retire..I plan to die at work. That'll teach 'em !

16.What was your most recent memorable birthday?

My Big 40..and a trip to Amsterdam with my girlfriends

17. What did you want to be when you were little?

A nurse..right up until the day I was due at Nursing College..aged 16

18. What are you listening to right now?

The hum of office electrical equipment

19. Do you wish on stars?

I appreciate them but ask them for nothing

20. Real hair color?

Cheeky !.Dark brown; same one I've always had--never been dyed.

21. Summer or winter?

Winter..dark nights and cold crisp mornings for me

22. How many towns have you lived in?

Three

23. Are you an Introvert or Extrovert?

Introvert...but with an extrovert screaming to get out

A Dipped Toe...

2009-11-22T10:47:00.002Z

I haven't called in here for a while..and I have no real excuse...life is rushing by like a high speed train..my mind is working like an hour by hour planner. I can tell you exactly where I will be and what I will be doing at 3.36pm next Thursday or actually on any given day. On the bright side..I can still laugh. Sometimes a little hysterically..but its laughing all the same.

..and I plan to come back here too

Requesting Quiet

2009-10-01T20:53:00.003+01:00

I have had things to say..I just haven't been in the right frame of mind for saying them out loud.

It's been a time for headphones...silence smothered by a huge deafening soundtrack..a little bit like a sticking plaster...covered over, but you can just still feel the sting.

Lost Prophets - Last Train Home.mp3
CocoRosie - Honey or Tar.mp3
Boy George And Culture Club - Time.mp3